How to: stop destroying your relationships ? How To With Courtney

I?m in a relationship, ?almost through the honey moon stage?and just starting to realize it?s hard work. Our bubble is officially popped. I was in a relationship, and it was good. But after some soul searching I?ve realized the he was right, I didn?t give him enough time. I?m career focused and don?t really need to be in a relationship right now. Unless that person is willing to hang out on the back burner, which isn?t fair to them.

(The rest of this post was written a month before we broke up, hopefully something in it will help you)?

I started having feelings two weeks ago of this impending doom, imaging myself being suffocated by this link tying me to someone else. So I started doing what any normal person would, I acted weird and pushed my boyfriend away. By acting weird, I mean demanding he reassure his affection for me, then telling him we should take a break?I promise I am 1. not a crazy person and 2. not diagnosed with any personality disorder.

So in a weak moment I basically told him that I was afraid we were moving too fast and didn?t want to get hurt. All of which are true, but not the best thing to lay on someone you care about, someone who in a million years wouldn?t dream of hurting you (psych).

I?ve spent the entire day researching commitment phobia, and am positive that I have it, along with nine other disorders that I saw on web MD when I first typed it in.

The thing with commitment phobia is that you know at some point you?re going to get hurt, it?s been proven in the past. For me it was losing so many people at such a young age. I?m terrified to get close to someone and then have them torn away from me, so I choose not to. In fact, up until he showed up in my life I was doing just fine, I wasn?t even looking for anyone/dating.

But being afraid of losing someone isn?t a great way to live, or a great reason to be alone. In fact it?s a sucky outlook on life. Which is why, when after reading a wiki-how to article on getting over commitment phobia (I don?t know why I do these things to myself either) I realized I?m making a huge mistake. The article had you write down questions and answer what you are scared of, then you had to make pro/con lists?for everything. Next it told you to in vision your life with that person, what you could see?could you see anything? Did it make you scared or happy?

I was happy. I didn?t know I needed him in my life until I met him, and now that I have I don?t want to live without him (sadly still true, but at this point in my life I can?t be in a serious relationship with someone who just gives up if I consider relocating for a job).

If you want to stop self sabotaging then you need to take the first step: figure out what you are doing and then get to why.

Things didn?t work out for me, but it was a learning experience. I found what I need right now, and the type of person I?m looking for. With every new relationship there is always a chance to get hurt, and if you fight those fears I promise it will be worth it.?

And if you do get hurt, which will happen, just remember you will be okay, you will move on, and look at it as a learning experience.?

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Source: http://howtowithcourtney.com/2012/03/12/how-to-stop-destroying-your-relationships/

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